Twilight Oil
by DarkSharknado
Summary: A great space race involves the crew chasing Mom's space train full of mind control oil. Planet Express is in hot prusuit to stop them.


Work Text:

Futurama

Fanfic Title

Twilight Oil

by: Trenton Sands

Futurama:

Ball Bearings Not Included.

Screen: Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck cartoon

Scene 1:

A train is racing through space. The Train has a Mom's Friendly Robot Oil decal on it. Inside were Walt, Larry, and Ignar fighting over who controls the train.

Larry: (Pushing Walt aside): It's my turn to drive the train you Neptunian-livered bucket of cowardice!

Walt: You seem to be forgetting...Mom loves "me" best! For I'm the firstborn son! So, it's always my turn! (laughs evilly)

Walt is about to approach the controls though Inger gets there first.

Ignar: Ha ha on you! Not this time!

Walt pushes Inger and Larry jumps on top of both of them. They fight for a while until they see the Planet Express ship in the midst.

Walt, Larry, and Ignar: (together): Planet Express alert!

Larry: Batten the hatches!

Ignar: Secure the couplings!

Walt: Wait! No! Stop! We'll let them come near us. After all, they know about our plans to spread this mind control oil all over the universe and control peoples, robots, and aliens minds. If they come, we have a big surprise in store!

Meanwhile in the Planet Express ship, Everyone but the Professor was on board.

Fry: Hey, Leela. What was the mission again?

Leela: I already told you the mission. Five minutes ago! Enlighten him, Bender!

Bender: The Professor wants us to stop Mom's sons from spreading mind-control oil throughout the universe. Don't ask us again!

Fry: (sighing): Fine. (Walks away)

Zoidberg: (Looking out the window): I SEE THE TRAIN! I SEE THE TRAIN! I SEE IT! I SEE IT! I SEE IT!

Hermes: (exasparated): Yes! Yes! We see it, too! It's there, all right?!

Amy looks out the window and sees two alienoid bikers that look like a wolf and an allagator. The wolf is named Big EZ and the allagator is named Huge Ryder.

Amy: Eeeep! (Jumps under a chair).

Bender walks up to Amy.

Bender: Hey, Amy! (imitates her scream).

Amy: Splay! Don't make fun of me!

Bender: (sees the bikers): Were you screaming at those bikers?

Amy: (hesitant): No, of course not. Where would you get a crazy idea like that?

Bender: Did a biker kill your husband in a past life? Since you Buddhists believe in that sort of thing,

Fry goes into the back room and sees Zoidberg in a funk.

Zoidberg: Hey, Fry. You look just as glum as I do. Is the robot giving you grief about your scrawniess again?

Fry: No. I just want Leela to like me. And I want respect. I'm tired of Leela and Bender being so cynical to me and pushing me aside.

Zoidberg: I want respect too. I'm a doctor. I should be a millionaire.

Fry: I still don't know what is Leela doesn't see in me,

Zoidberg: (snaps his claws): I got it!

Fry: What?

Zoidberg: How about you and I stop Mom's train? We'll be heroes and we'll get the respect we deserve.

Fry: Awesome! We'll be like action heroes! Like Harrison Ford and Bruce Willis!

Zoidberg: Let's go for it, already!

Scene 2:

The Planet Express ship is flying in the back of the train. The last boxcar is open.

Leela: This looks too good to be true.

Bender: It's like they want us to capture them. What is it? Do they have no self-esteem?

Fry and Zoidberg run to the ships exit.

Bender: Hey, where do you chumps think you're going?

Fry and Zoidberg: We're stopping Mom's train and we'll triumph and me heroes, goodbye!

Leela: No, wait! It's a trap! Fry, if you try to stop the train, I'll be very upset with you!

Amy: Come back! (Looks at Hermes): Say something!

Hermes: Am I supposed to care about those demented fools?

Fry and Zoidberg run outside and jump onto the train's last boxcar. Walt, Larry, and Inger are inside laying in wait,

Leela: No, don't! (Sees the boxcar closing) Oh, Lord.

Bender: Poor old skintube and lobster. We hardly knew ye.

Fry and Zoidberg are inside the boxcar confronting Mom's sons.

Zoidberg: (holding up is claw): En gaude!

Fry: Surrender, villains! For we are action heroes! I'm like Harrison Ford and Zoidberg's like Bruce Willis!

Zoidberg: Yes, we're a heroic team. Unbeatable if you will!

Walt: Okay, we surrender.

Larry: You caught us,

Ingar: Do whatever you want...

Fry and Zoidberg: (high fiving): Yes, we did it!

Walt presses a button that makes the train go at roller coaster speeds. Fry and Zoidberg go flying about.

Walt: (laughes evilly): We have no intentions of surrendering to the likes of you.

Larry: You two aren't heroes, you're now both prisoners! Testers for our oil!

Ignar: We one upped you! We one upped you!

Walt slaps Ignar.

Walt: I'll restrain the prisoners!

Fry and Zoidberg gulp.

Scene 3:

The Planet Express ship is on standby while Mom's train speeds away.

Leela: (pounding her fist on the dashboard): Oooooh! That idiot! Fry just makes me so mad! Why doesn't he ever think before he acts?

Bender: What do I look like? His counseler? I don't know.

Leela: And he wonders why I don't want to go out with him.

Hermes: Okay, let's recollect and focus. How do we catch up to Mom's train and track them down?

Leela looks at the controls and finds the fastest speed on the ship: Ominious speed.

Leela: We haven't tried 'Ominious Speed' yet. Looks like we have no choice.

Amy: (gasps): Wouldn't that waste gas?

Hermes: No, of course not. Now all we need is some kind of robot to pull down the lever and track down the train.

Amy: You're a robot, Bender! You can pull down the lever!

Leela: Plus, you have a tracking device built in you. We're depending on you.

Bender: Can't anyone leave me alone for five minutes? You're all too needy and dependent on me! Just because I'm a robot!

Leela: Come on, Bender. Fry's and Zoidberg's lives are at stake. At least do it for him.

Bender: (grumbles in disgust): Fine.

Bender: Preparing ship for Ominious speed...Go!

The Planet Express ship goes through space in horrendous speeds. Bender tracks down the train and finds out it's headed for Europa. Meanwhile on Mom's train in Europa, Walt was restraining Fry and Zoidberg who were sitting on chairs. Walt cuffed Fry's hand to an armrest with handcuffs, and cuffed his other hand to a triangle handle above them, Then, he cuffed Zoidberg's claw to the triangle handle next to Fry's. And cuffs his other claw on his side of the armrest. Walt strapped Fry and Zoidberg down with seat belts tightly and tied their ankles with twine.

Fry: (struggling against his cuff): You know, I'm really skinny. I'm small boned! I can slip through this.

Fry continues to struggle to try to get out of the handcuff.

Fry: Skinniness don't fail me now!

Walt: Don't bother struggling. The more you do, the more you cut off your circulation.

Zoidberg: Give it up, Fry! It's hopeless!

Fry: Can't you spit some of your slime on it?

Zoidberg: (hopelessly): Trust me, It won't work.

Walt: You'll both have no choice but to wait to get rescued.

Larry come in through the door with the two bikers

Larry: These bikers are willing to help us.

Big EZ: Howdy! My name is Big EZ!

Huge Ryder: And I'm Huge Ryder!

Walt: Interesting! We work for Planet Express. And there's a spaceship after us from Mom's Friendly Robot Company.

Larry: Will you help us defeat them?

Ignar: Will you do it?

Big EZ: Yeah, we'll do it!

Huge Ryder: Will you pay us?

Walt: Handsomely. As soon as you help us defeat Plan...I mean... Mom's spaceship!

Larry: Just be on the lookout for them. If you see them, fight!

Big EZ and Huge Ryder: All right!

Ignar: (To Fry and Zoidberg): Tied up nice and cool? (Pinching Fry's check)

Fry whimpers. Zoidberg sighs.

Walt: Planet Express won't ever think to find us here on Europa!

Scene 4:

The Planet Express ship is still on Onimous speed. It slows down once they see the train

Ignar: There it is. It's Planet...oops! I mean Mom's company!

Big EZ and Huge Ryder look into the closet where all the mind control is in.

Big EZ: What's all this?

Walt: (slamming the door): Nothing, nothing. Just go fight the enemy,

Huge Ryder: Right boss!

The Planet Express ship and Mom's train are riding side by side. Big EZ and Huge Ryder are on top of the train armed with whips and chains.

Amy: (screams): I think I'll sit this one out! If those bikers see me, they'll know I'm a rich girl!

Amy hides in the utility closet, and Hermes is driving the ship. Leela and Bender come on top of the ship. They too are armed with whips and chains. Europa was grey, dingy, rocky, and dark.

Song: Arcade Fire's Black Mirror plays.

Big EZ: You're going down!

Leela: The hell I am! Hee-ya!

Leela swung the chain causing Big EZ and fall over.

Huge Ryder: Wow! She has some fight in her! I like that!

Bender: (swinging on a rope): Wait 'till you get a load of me!

Leela and Bender get into an intense fight with the bikers. Meanwhile, Fry and Zoidberg watch and listen to the commotion helplessly.

Fry: Hear that fighting? That should be us.

Zoidberg: You were a hero once, Fry. Remember when you were Captain Yesterday?

Fry: That was only a one-time thing.

Zoidberg: But still...uhhhh...forgot what I was gonna say.

Leela and Bender continue to fight the bikers. Hermes continues to fly the ship while Amy is still hiding.

Hermes: Amy! Come on out here and help us!

Amy: Are those creepy bikers gone yet?

Hermes: Fine, suit yourself

Leela and Bender finally knock down the bikers. Then the bikers see a PE decal on the ship and a Mom's decal on the train.

Big EZ: Uh, oh...

Huge Ryder: I think we made a huge mistake!

Bender: Yeah, messing with me.

Leela: Trusting Mom's sons is a huge mistake.

Big EZ: So, you're Planet Express?

Leela: Yes, we are.

Huge Ryder: And they're?

Bender: The enemy.

Leela: You can make it up to us by telling what you know.

Big EZ: We found some oil in the closet of the train.

Bender: Mind control oil!

Huge Ryder: We saw two prisoners. Forgot what they looked like. One was fat and one was skinny I think, We made such a...

Bender: Want to work for us, instead?

Huge Ryder: Sure, what can we do?

Leela: We'll sneak aboard the train. and throw the oil into Jupiter since it's not too far away from here.

Big EZ: We know where the closet is. Luckily I always carry a cannon with me.

Bender opens his chest compartment and reveals fireworks inside.

Bender: Got these from Mexico!

Leela: Come on.

(song ends)

Scene 5:

Leela, Bender, and the bikers sneak aboard the train. Leela and Bender hide when Mom's sons walk by.

Larry: Bikers, you're in charge.

Ignar: We're taking a potty break!

Walt: I assume you defeated Mom's company?

Big EZ and Huge Ryder: (saluting): Yes sir, we did!

Mom's sons go to the bathroom. Bender and Leela come out of hiding,

Leela: Show us this closet.

Bender: We're replacing the oil with fireworks.

Huge Ryder led them to the closet Leela and Big EZ load the cans of oil into his cannon. Bender and Huge Ryder fill the closet up with fireworks.

Bender: (singing): 'Cuz, I'm TNT! Dynamite! TNT! Out of sight! TNT! Watch it explode!

Leela: Great job! Bender, now all you have to do is mess with the train controls.

Bender goes to the front of the train and turns the knob from 'fastest' to 'Wanna Go Faster', to "Hurry up Grandma!' to "ARE YOU CRAZY?!" The train goes in incredible speed.

Bender: Move over, Burt Lancaster! There's a new train derailer in town! In your face!

Bender goes back to the closet area and sees Leela and the bikers shooting the cans of oil into Jupiter.

Huge Ryder: Dude! You're back! Awesome job!

Bender lights the fireworks.

Big EZ: Thanks for letting us help you.

Bender: Ahhhhh, it was nothing.

Huge Ryder: You seem like the biker type, ever consider being one?

Bender: Nah, not really. I'd really like to be a petty thief of a international drug kingpin. But...I could try to think about it!

All laughing,

Leela: That's our Bender!

Bender: Holy beep!

Leela: What is it now?

Bender: We forgot all about Fry and Zoidberg!

Big EZ: Go save your friends!

Huge Ryder: Then we'll give you a ride back to your ship!

Leela: Lucky for us those fireworks won't explode for a while.

Scene 6:

Walt, Larry, and Ignar discover what happened to the train. They're unable to stop it. Fry and Zoidberg continue to lament.

Fry: Looks like we're stuck here.

Zoidberg: To be Mom's test subjects for life!

Fry: What can be worse?

Bender: (running in the aisles screaming): SKIIIIIINTUUUUUUUBE!

Fry: Bender! You rescued us!

Zoidberg: Untie us already!

Bender: All right, all right! I'll untie you!

Bender used his laser pointer to free Fry and Zoidberg from their handcuffs, seat belts and twine.

Fry: Thank you for untying us, Bender!

Zoidberg: This experience has made me a better Zoidberg!

Bender: Yeah, yeah, happy for ya! We gotta get out of here! This train will explode!

They all run. Fry runs to Leela and hugs and kisses her.

Fry: Leela! (kisses her): I'm sorry for doing something so stupid! Next time I'll listen to you!

Bender: I'm the one who saved you! You're giving her all the credit?

They all get a ride back to the Planet Express ship from the bikers. And Big EZ and Huge Ryder bid them farewell. Meanwhile, Mom's sons try to call Mom on the vidphone.

Walt: I'll call Mom, she'll know what to do!

Larry: (sees the biker pass by): They betrayed us!

Ignar: Let me talk to her!

Mom answers the phone.

Mom: What's going on? This better me important!

Walt: There's something going on with the train!

Mom: What?!

Walt hands Inger the receiver.

Walt: You better talk to her.

Ignar: Me! Hi, Mom! It was all Planet Expresses fault you ma'am wonderful momness, because...

Mom: JUST GET TO THE POINT!

Walt, Larry, and Ignar: (together): WE CAN"T STOP THE TRAIN!

The train crashed into a mountain and exploded. The fireworks explode all around. Leaving Mom's sons stranded and their uniforms ripped up. They watch a fire on the distance. Disaster was everywhere.

Larry: Maybe she'll come pick us up!

Walt slaps both Larry and Ignar.

Scene 7 Conclusion:

The Planet Express ship heads back to Earth from Europa.

Leela: Hey, Amy. You never did tell us why you don't like bikers.

Bender: Hermes told us you weren't any help! And to think you all think I'm lazy!

Amy: Well, it's because my parents tried to set me up with one...

Fry: What happened?

Amy: All he did was bully me and steal my money. After that one date, I got scared of bikers and assumed they were all like that.

Hermes: When did this happen?

Amy: A year before I started interning at Planet Express.

Fry: Wow! That's horrible. I don't like bullies! Anyway, it was cool how we defeated Mom and her sons!

Leela: The important thing is we completed this mission. Amy got bullied. Who knew?

Bender: Now Mom and her dipstick sons are going to learn the agony of defeat!

Zoidberg: And we're all better people because of it. What a story this was! Fry and I tried to be heroes, Amy scared of bikers. Hermes, Bender, and Leela did all the work and...

Bender: OKay, you can shut up now!

Zoidberg: (crying).

THE END

Closing Credits Scene


End file.
